Saturday, January 05, 2008

Confused!!

These days I am going through a different kind of dilemma..A dilemma related to the lifestyle..I don't know which one is better and that is the root cause of this dilemma!

The Person I used to be:
I was never a Maggu(bookworm) but I was always sincere about my studies. I knew what I had to do and had a sense of dedication towards completing it... Everything else was secondary. Not exactly but I was a kind of timetable guy(those whose life is a timetable and they can tell you what they would be doing at certain time in future)... I liked all what I read and did not understand what some of my friends meant when they said all those studies were waste of time. Those people tried looking in reason to do those things and could not find it.. Frankly I never attempted. I was blinded by the passion of computers and IT. I loved all of those stuff. And I had a good academic record.

The Person I became:
I started looking for reasons to do each and every act I had to do...did not find good enough reasons for most of these things..lost interest.. started getting confused from time to time!.. started criticising systems and pedagogies.. started believing that all of this is useless and I must only do whatever I want to do.. started looking down upon students who loved these studies.. attributed all of this to the education I have had till now(It enabled me to think and this system is making me stop thinking).. My rationale changed to: The only way to survive in a B-School is to stop thinking.. My friend circles got smaller in size and closely bound(as against loosely bound large friend circles along with some close friends earlier).. I stopped studying.. did not have anything else to do as such so got into watching movies and devised a thousand ways to kill time.. never bothered to read cases or do any kind of home work before classes.. the funda became- only time to study is a day before exam(or rather a few hours before exam).. became over-confident(Ohh..this thing..yeah it is very simple..it can be done like this..it will hardly take anytime.. will look for it whenever required).. And obviously academic records suffered!

When I was what I was, people used to say they were much more happier than me..they did not have to read as often as I used to.. Now I ask- is it fun?..Perhaps not!


Having seen both the sides of the coin.. now I am confused!! Though it might not look like so from the post and the post may look biased towards what I was but to be true I am confused! This appears to me a vicious cycle which never ends. As far as the factor of happiness goes, I think it is all in mind and it is our mental state which makes us happy or sad.. I had no issues studying then and was happy; Now even if I am not studying I am happy for not reading. There was always a positive frame of mind and I appreciated things a lot; Now I have a destructive frame of mind and find happiness in ridiculing others and trying to dominate others. Earlier it was helping others that used to bring a sense of satisfaction; Now it is getting people to help me with ease. The funda used to be- Why not do it when you can do it!; Now it is- Why should I do it if I can get it done!.

I do not comment on which one is correct and which one is not. If I ask my parents, it is first; If I ask my colleagues, it is second. No matter whether you agree or not, actually, both of these are correct. And that is where the confusion is- Which Abhishek is better: Abhishek @ DA-IICT and before or Abhishek @ IIM-C??

Having lived more than two terms as Abhishek of now, I think it is time to get back to the original mode now. Let's see how things turn around in days to come.

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